


You know that, right?

by sentimental_boy



Series: Matt Murdock imagines [19]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4926190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimental_boy/pseuds/sentimental_boy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader struggles with self harm and Matt finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You know that, right?

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: This one is about self harm, but there's no graphic descriptions and everything happens "off screen" so keep that in mind before you choose to read it.

"Matt, I'm home love." You say, earning no response. He must still be at work. You think as you sigh and put you stuff down.

You plop on the sofa and think about your rather shitty day; you seem to be having more and more of those lately. You've recently started cutting just to try and feel something. It doesn't help. Benefits of having a blind boyfriend: he can't see the scars. Or so you thought.

You were in bed with him a couple nights ago when he started absently running his hands along your forearms. It was a good day, so you didn't think to stop him until it was too late.

He inhaled sharply and sat up, feeling along your arms with a purpose now. His voice dropped an octave when he said your name. "What happened here?"

"Cat scratch." You pulled away from him.

He furrowed his brows and you had to control your breathing so he didn't know you were lying. After a minute of him analyzing you he let out a sigh of relief and pulled you close again. "He got you pretty bad this time."

"Yeah, I need to trim his nails."

You hated lying to him, and that you actually could shocked you, but you couldn't tell him.

-0-

Matt comes waltzing through the door. He finds you in the kitchen and wraps his arms around your waist, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

"Hello." His breath ghosts against your skin and a shiver runs over your body. He starts kissing under your ear and continues down your neck and shoulder, running his hands over your biceps.

The knife in your hands clatters into the kitchen sink and Matt goes rigid. "Y/n, what are you doing?"

"I was just doing the dishes. Almost done now." You try to make your voice sound light, warm, happy; something you're not right now.

"Then why do I taste copper in the air?"

"There's a few more pennies in my wallet today?"

He gives you an exasperated look, his eyes meeting your chin.

"I just cut myself on accident with the steak knife. Don't worry." Well half of that's true. You get on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek.

He pauses and you know he's listening for any signs that something is off. "Alright." He kisses your cheek. "I'm going to get into the shower."

You have to make a conscious effort not to let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, see you in a few." You turn the water on and wash off the knife. By the time he gets out of the shower you've got most of the bleeding to stop. "I think I'm going to shower now." You say, trying to buy yourself some time before he realizes that the cuts weren't an accident.

"Alright." He nods. Once he puts on a pair of sweatpants he grabs a beer and sits on the sofa. He can feel that something's wrong with you, but he can't place what it is. He sniffs.

The smell of dish soap is't saturating the apartment like it always does after the dishes get done. There's a hint of it, but not as much as there usually is. He places his beer on the coffee table and gets up to investigate. He feels the sponge,it's wet enough to wash maybe a couple things, but not to do that many dishes. He did the dishes before he left this morning anyway; wanted you to relax when you got home. He still tastes the copper in the air, that's more than 'oh I nicked myself on accident'. That's when he hears broken sobs coming from the bathroom.

He calls your name. "Are you okay?" His voice is full of concern.

You take a breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He doesn't sound convinced.

"Yeah, I'll be right out."

He sighs. His mind is racing trying to put everything together, then it hits him. The 'cat scratches'. His stomach drops and his heart clenches thinking about you being in so much pain that you would do that. He feels pained, nervous energy building up in his chest and he starts pacing in front of the bathroom. When he hears the water turn off he stops and waits until you open the door. When you finally do he wraps you in his strong arms, even though you're still soaked and dripping all over him.

"Matt, what's this about?"

"I love you so much. You know that right?" His voice shakes and you know he's put everything together.

You nod against his shoulder.

He pulls back. "Please talk to me." He sounds desperate, the pain and concern etching lines into his face.

You sigh. "Fine, I'm going to get changed first though." When you come back into the room he 'looks' up in your general direction from his spot on the sofa. You sit on the sofa next to each other in silence. He's waiting for you to speak, and well, you don't want to.

He finally breaks the silence. "I um, I don't know how to approach this. So many things have been running through my mind, but the thing that keeps coming up over and over again is why. I mean, you seem happy, what drove you to do this?"

"It wasn't something that happened, just, I can't feel anything anymore. I'm numb, and the only things that ever get through that are pain and anger."

"So, what? You were just trying to feel something?"

You shrug even though he can't see it. "I guess."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

You shake your head, but you can't get anymore words past the lump in your throat. He pulls you close and hugs you as you sob into his chest. You sit like that on the sofa in silence until you finally stop crying.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You're depressed." He murmurs as he runs his hand along your back. "I'm here for you, please just talk to me next time." When you don't say anything he continues. "It doesn't even have to be me, just talk to someone about it. Please."

You nod. "Alright."

"Thank you." He kisses your temple. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I worried you." You say in a voice just above a whisper.

"Just please don't do this again." He pleads. "You're the only person I've ever been in love with, the only person I ever want to be in love with. I don't want to lose you; I can't." His voice breaks and you look at him.

"Matt?"

His eyes wander, trying to find where you are through everything going on. You put your hands on his face and he takes a deep breath, trying to control his tears. You wipe them away, but they keep falling so you just fall back into the hug.

"I'm sorry." You whisper.

He doesn't say anything, just hugs you tighter and sobs into your shoulder. When he finally recovers he sniffs a few times and tries to regulate his breathing.

"You have some sick days, right?" He asks.

"Yeah, why?"

"I want to take tomorrow off and do something with you."

"Matthew, you don't have to-"

"I know. I want to. I don't want to leave you alone after finding this out, and it's been too long since we had a day for just us. How does that sound? A whole day with nothing but us."

"It sounds great."

-0-

The next day you wake up to Matt talking to foggy on the phone.

"I'm not going to be able to make it in today."

You hear foggy on the other end ask why and make some joke about Matt not ditching him to have some "fun time" with you.

"No Foggy, something's come up, and before you ask, no it doesn't have anything to do with the mask."

You hear Foggy ask if everything's okay and you grab Matt's bicep. "Please don't tell him." You whisper.

"It's not my information to give."

You hear Foggy tell Matt that he hopes everything works out before he hangs up.

"Thank you."

"I wasn't going to tell him. Who you want to tell is your decision. I'm sorry I had to push it, but someone needs to be aware."

"I know. Thank you for caring so much."

"Of course. I love you."

"I love you too."

He smiles, but it's a little sad. "So what do you want to do today?"

You shrug. "I don't care."

He tangles your legs together and pulls you close. "Well let me know when you think of something." He buries his face in your shoulder.

"Well why would I bother when you're so cute nuzzling me like that?"

He laughs. "Maybe I should get up so I'm not distracting you." He goes to sit up but you pull him back down.

"Oh no you don't."

"So tell me what you want to do."

"We could start with breakfast and go from there."

-0-

You're walking back to Matt's apartment, leaning on his shoulder and he has his arm around your waist.

"Thank you Matthew."

"What for?"

"Today. I can't remember the last time I felt this good."

A half smile works it's way over his face. Your statement is bittersweet on his ears. "I'm glad you had a good day. I just hope you can remember days like this when you're low."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a drag."

"No, you're just concerned. Rightly so; I know that."

He tightens his arm and rocks you a little as you walk.

Foggy, Foggy, Foggy, Foggy his phone goes off.

"Sorry. Hang on." He answers his phone and talks for a minute before hanging up.

"What did he want?"

"He wanted to know if everything went okay today."

"That's why you told him it'll be a while until it's worked out."

He nods and you walk in silence until you reach his apartment. He steps to the side and gives a small bow as he opens the door. "After you my lady."

"Oh stop." You give him a playful swat on the back of his head as you walk in.

He grins and wraps his arms around your waist after he closes the door behind him.

"As endearing as this is, I can't walk like this."

He picks you up and you let out a little scream as he carries you to the bedroom. "Matthew Michael Murdock! Put me down."

He grins as he gently tosses you on the bed. He crawls over you and starts showering you with kisses. "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, but I never get tired of hearing you say it."

"Never?"

"I don't think so."

-0-

Your road to recovery wasn't a particularly short one, nor was it seamless, but you did it with the help of people around you. You're finally happy and Matt doesn't worry about you so much.


End file.
